For The Fellas

Hello Dolls!

Now we know what every Diva must do for the environment, but you didn't think I was going to forget about the men did you? Relax - I've got advice for everyone, but the woman always comes first.

Five Things Every Man Should Do for the Environment*

1. Care.
A wise fictional character once said "If your genitals are on the outside, you must be hiding something on the inside." Karen Walker may have been drunk and/or high, but wise nevertheless. Don't worry boys, you can buck the stereotype. Listen up: Caring is sexy. Do it. If only because a sexy woman is telling you to.

2. Recycle.
More specifically, carry your woman's recycling out for her. If you live together, do it before she asks you to. Flex those muscles, show off and make her grateful. Good things happen when a woman is grateful. If you don't live together, learn her neighborhood's recycling pick-up schedule. My man learned my schedule and he shows up on recycling days with a cardboard box and a smile. He reaps many benefits. (Okay, I reap the benefits too - my man is good!!!) The point is, you know you're already tracking her menstrual cycle - the recycling schedule is sexier. And more predictable.

3. Learn.
Nerds are hot, dummies are not. Chances are your girl already knows more about the environment than you do, so at the very least you need to bring yourself up to her level. If you think you already know enough, you're wrong. The environment is like your woman's pleasure: there is always more to discover and if you get lazy and complacent it may not be there when you need it. Go ahead and take either one for granted - the damage is irreversible.

4. Give.
Give environmentally friendly gifts whenever possible, especially to your woman. These items can be incredibly affordable and are classic "it's the thought that counts" fodder. Give your woman cute reusable shopping bags, an adorable coffee mug for work or buy CFL bulbs and then take your shirt off and replace all the bulbs in her house. If you're really Mr. Big Stuff, buy her an energy efficient appliance. Anything from a programmable thermostat to an Energy Star water heater would do the trick. Send the message that not only do you care about the environment, you care about her environment. I've already told you what happens when a woman is grateful. And to really seal the deal, add a whisper of "I want to leave the world a better place for our children." (Be careful with this one though. If you're not ready for those children then you'll create a shitload of other problems!)

5. Share.
Tell all your boys, your family, your coworkers - tell every other man you know about these tips. You will help create a better world and better relationships. And they will all think you are the smartest guy they know. Try on Black is the New Green - better living through being better than everyone else.

* Some of you gals may be wondering why there are ten things a Diva must do and only five things a man should do. Well the burden always falls on us, doesn't it ladies? Just kidding! First of all, nice attention to detail - I'm glad you noticed. Second of all, think about it - in five short steps, we've gotten him to do half of our "must-dos" for us! That is what being a Diva is all about - work it smarter and you ain't gotta work it harder. You're getting free labor, gifts and better sex all for the greater good. And no, I didn't tell him to buy our fuel-efficient car for us - don't get greedy, bitch.

Don't get it twisted,
Diva Zero
Catch my chic.