Don't Mess with a Diva

Hello Dolls!

That new Brawny commercial has been bugging me from the moment I saw it. Have you seen that shit? Is it just me?!? At first I thought it was just the creepy animated lumberjack singing "Lean On Me". I mean, what kind of song is that to sell some paper towels? Turns out it was more than the kitsch that was bothering me - it was my Diva psychicness kicking in (Yes, I said psychicness). I investigated my hunch and found out that Georgia-Pacific is Brawny's parent company. They have been pissing me off for a while now.

Last winter, Dixie started advertising their new line of disposable paper coffee cups. Really?!? That's the hot new product you want to trot out when everybody knows that the hottest thing you can do is bthenewgreen? I'll give you one guess as to which dumb-ass company is behind that stroke of genius. Yep - good ol' GP. Well Diva Zero is taking it personally and you should too. Not just because using your own reusable mugs and cups is one of the easiest, most cost-effective and chic things you can do for the environment and GP is actively opposing your steeze. Not just because there are so many viable alternatives and the unnecessary use of paper products is stupid and wasteful. Not even just because I said so (and if I'm saying that then you know its deep). Here's why you should take it personally: Georgia-Pacific is insulting you.

It may seem to be a remote exercise at first - you know our first thought is always "what's that got to do with me?" Well, GP might as well be in all up in your face, snappin' on yo mama - it's that serious. I don't know about you, but nobody talks about my mama and gets away with it! GP is insulting our intelligence by attempting to mask their blatant disregard for the environment with platitudes and eco-buzzwords. They state on their website that "Georgia-Pacific works to create products that improve people's lives, to use resources wisely, actively engage in our communities, and contribute to society by being a prosperous business. We call it being sustainable." Well, I call it being out for self. And that's okay, but not at any cost. And if all you care about is profit, fine. Just don't call it sustainability.

They actually have the nerve to have a "Sustainability Report," which includes their philosophy: "We recognize that sustainability means different things to different people." So to clarify, they give us their definition of sustainability: "Georgia-Pacific defines sustainability as 'meeting the needs of society today without jeopardizing our ability to do so in the future'." Translation: "We don't give a shit what happens as long as we are able to make money now and are still making money later." Luckily I had my dickhead to Diva dictionary handy. Listen - sustainability does not mean different things to different people. It means what it means. It is the capability to endure and the ability to survive and thrive in perpetuity. You either commit to doing your best to contribute positively to that or you don't. Georgia-Pacific doesn't. And the fact that they are perpetratin' really sticks in my craw.

GP makes a lot of products, but for the individual consumer their brands include: Angel Soft Toilet Paper, Brawny Paper Towels, Dixie Cups & Tableware, Quilted Northern Toilet Paper, Sparkle Paper Towels and Vanity Fair Napkins. There is so much more these fools have to say that insults our collective intelligence - take a look at their website for yourself and tell me what you think. In the meantime..........I declare a BOYCOTT. Join me, won't you?


This ain't over,
Diva Zero
Catch my chic.